Editing Monolith Burger

[[image:monolithship.gif|thumb|One of Monolith Burger's 2.5 million franchises scattered around the known universes (in the future this has increased to over one billion branches<ref>SQC, 240</ref>).]] Their motto is, "Just for the krill of it."<ref>SQC2E, 239</ref>

'''Monolith Burger''' is a subsidiary of [[Monolith Synthetic Industries, Inc.]]. Depending on one's perspective, it is a popular or unpopular fast food chain scattered throughout the known universes. With locations such as the [[Monolith Burger Fast Food Dive]] in [[Sector 62]], and the [[Galaxy Galleria]] location.

==Background==
Open to everyone who can follow their simple "no shirt, no shoes, no service" policy, Monolith Burger offers a completely unhealthy menu for those among you who just can't live without fast food. Their franchises are frequented by uncountable species every day. They even offer a full-featured arcade featuring such classics as [[Astro Chicken]], for those who aren't entertained solely by their food.

Monolith Burger is the most ubiquitous fast food franchise in all of the known space. Founded centuries ago by [[Megalith ik'Monolith]]--a [[Stoneoid]] from [[Accretion XXIV]].<ref>SQC, 158</ref> The only fast food chain to survive the infamous "[[Food Wars]]"<ref>SQ4</ref>, Monolith has reached the highest level in the fast-food industry by getting mentioned in the [[Galactic Inquirer]], and who can blame them - their "food" is revolting, having once been described by [[Roger Wilco]] as tasting like "the slick skin of a [[Vorlian mucusworm]]". In fact, Roger also famously noted that the food at Monolith looks less like food the more one makes the mistake of looking at it.

Monolith Burger serves up the most generic chow along the spaceways. Greasy, tepid, over-salted and under-carbonated burgers, fries, shakes, organic and non-organic salads, krill cookies, and artificially flavored and sweetened whipped petroleum byproduct sundaes. It's food just like mother used to make. It sticks to your ribs, and stays there for a long time. There are separate menus for most sentient species, all of which receive the same warm reviews. It has been estimated that over the centuries, Monolith Burger has sold enough burgers to stretch around the [[Milky Way]] a thousand times, if placed end to end. Double or triple that number if you include fries. The most amazing fact is that, if someone were to actually put all of those fries or burgers in a row, Monolith Burger guarantees that the first one in line will be just as fresh and tasty as the last. And, vice versa. Guaranteed. Or your money back.<ref>SQC, 158</ref>

They offer fly-through service, which is open late for your convenience.
[[Image:Monolithmenu.jpg|thumb|The Monolith Burger Menu, the same as used throughout the universe.]] 
The decor, like the menu, is the same throughout [[the galaxy]]. Booths with plastomold seats and tables are available for your discomfort, and a menu will be hanging from the ceiling over the counter. When entering their local Monolith restaurant, customers will no doubt be able to notice the delicious aroma of home-cooked food - a smell insidiously piped in by the company in order to mask the odor of the ''real'' food. 

Their menu includes originally-named items such as the Monolith, the [[Mini Monolith]] and the [[Jumbo Monolith]]. For the more adventurous, the [[Orat|Filet-O-Orat]] is available. Most of their menu items are available with [[Polycheeze]]. For the kids, the Monolith [[Fun Meal]] is available, which comes complete with the [[Monolith Burger Prize o' the Day]], a toy for only 7 [[buckazoid]]s! Parents of course pay this rip-off price in order to avoid the wrath of their kids. 

Dressed in their crisply starched uniforms - which may possibly be made of the same substance as the food itself - all of Monolith's sales employees are highly trained in the art of suggestive selling (also known as "not taking no for an answer".) Therefore, you will find that all of your meals WILL come with the optional [[Space Spuds]] and of course a drink of either [[Tang]] or [[Sloppy Slurper]]. All food comes in the classic, dirt cheap, Monolith [[Food Bag]]s.

[[Image:MonolithExterior.png|thumb|Monolith's [[Galaxy Galleria]] Branch]] 
For the ultra-adventurous, try the [[Big Belcher Combo]]. This includes a [[Jumbo Monolith with Polycheeze]], [[Space Spuds with Extra Grease]], and a [[Sloppy Slurper]]! All for only 9 buckazoids. Also, if you are lucky enough to be in the [[SQ10]] period, try their amazing [[Monolith Slugburger Combo]].

If their food needs that little bit extra, they have two synthesized versions of ancient vegetable sauces: their famous [[Mono Sauce]] (a.k.a. [[Ketchup]]) and their famous [[Mono Sauce No. 2]] (a.k.a. [[Mustard]]).

As well as [[:Image:AdMonolith.png|more conventional advertisements]], Monolith Burgers are also known for their outrageous marketing gimmicks. In [[:Category:SQ5|February 3009]], Monolith hired a convincing [[Elvis]] lookalike to work behind the counter in order to promote their new Banana Sandwich Combo. It apparently worked, as they ended up on page 6 of the [[Galactic Inquirer]].

Although some franchises only employ males, Monolith Burger is an excellent place to work, with raving testimonials from ex-employees, such as [[Roger Wilco]]. Promotion prospects are excellent, in fact, Roger was told he could become Assistant Manager if he stayed with the company for half an hour. For those working in the kitchen, they offer the excellent wage of 1 buckazoid per burger. They also allow you to start slowly, and don't expect you to be an expert until you have worked there for several minutes. They also have a very fair disciplinary system, allowing a full ten mistakes before you are fired, and there is always the possibility of second chances. Monolith Burger runs an Employee of the Week award every Week. The Employee of the Week for the outer space establishment, every Week, is [[Brfngnlx Ykzyxzk]]. Hiring is done through a very brief interview with the manager. The [[Galaxy Galleria]] branch of Monolith Burger is run by a [[Monolith Burger Manager|gruff pachyderm and/or pig-like individual]], who advertises for staff in [[Popular Janitronics]] magazine.

==Jingle==
:When the warp hits
:Factor six babe
:And your breakin
:The speed of light
:It's a good time
:So make great haste
:At Monolith
:Get zapped tonight.
:Come on and get zapped tonight.
==Mascots==
*Monny the Burger Clown
*Elvis
==Locations==
*[[Monolith Burger Fast Food Dive]] in [[Sector 62]]
*Monolith Burger, [[Galaxy Galleria]].
*[[Monolith Burger Fly-Thru]] on [[Saturn]].<ref>1988 Sierra catalogue</ref>
*At least one location on Earth.
==Menu==
Menu may vary depending on Monolith Burger location (some items may be secret menu items not appearing on standard menu).
*[[Monolith Burger Goofy Meal]]
*[[Mini Monolith]]
*[[Monolith]]/Monolith Burger
*Monolith w/Polycheeze
*[[Jumbo Monolith]] w/ Polycheeze
*[[Big Belcher Combo]]
*[[Monolith Fun Meal]]
*[[Monolith Slugburger Combo]]
*[[Banana Sandwich Combo]]
*[[Plankton burger]]
*[[Mommy burger]]
*Organic and non-organic salads
*[[Cellulite au chat]]
*[[Orat part|Boiled unidentified Orat part on an unbaked whole grain bun]]
*[[Artificial cheesefood-substitute fries]]
*[[Sand fries]]
*[[Lichen fries]]
*[[Space Spuds]]
*[[Filet-O-Orat]]
*[[Cellulite tacos]]
*[[Virtual veggie salads]]
*[[Monolith Burger Supreme]] topped with a jumbo shake and large fries<ref>SQC, 354</ref>
*[[Cheeseburger]]<ref>Narrator (SQ1VGA):"You decide you'd rather have a cheeseburger, and you wonder: do they have a Monolith Burger somewhere in the neighborhood?"</ref>
*Unidentified Orat Part on a Stick
*[[Unidentified-Orat-Part MacNuggets]]<ref>SQC2E, 336</ref>
*[[Bacon burger]]
*[[Jumbo Cheese Platter]]
===Drinks===
*Wine list
*[[warm sugared water]]
*[[Sloppy Slurper]]
*[[Diet H2O|Diet H<sub>2</sub>O]]
*[[sweet-and-sour nacho-flavored shake]]
*[[Curried broccoli shakes]]
*[[Neo-petroleum shake]]s (in a shade of [[premium unleaded]])

===Desserts===
*Neo-petroleum sundaes (in a shade of premium unleaded)
*Artificially flavored and sweetened whipped petroleum byproduct sundaes
*[[Krill cookies]] in the shape of the year's [[BladderBall Hall of Fame]] inductees.
*[[Split banana]]
*[[Blattfruit Pie]]
*[[Nacho-scented breath mints]]
*[[Arcturian bugspittle sundaes]]

===Condiments & Toppings===
*[[Ketchup]]
*[[Mayonnaise]]
*[[Relish]]
*[[Special sauce]]
*[[Mustard]]
*[[Monolith Burger Secret Sauce]]
*[[Monolith Burger Secret Smell]]
*[[Extra Grease]]
*[[Polycheeze]]
*[[Pickalene]]
*[[Cellulose extender]]
*[[Lettuce substitute]]
*[[Lettuce]]
*[[Pickles]]
*[[Tomato]]
*[[Sour vegetable matter]]

===Jones in the Fast Lane (Menu)===
*Hamburger<ref>Jones in the Fast Lane</ref>
*Cheeseburger<ref>Jones in the Fast Lane</ref>
*Monolith (made with a 6-lb. Beefburger)
*Fries<ref>Jones in the Fast Lane</ref>
*Shakes<ref>Jones in the Fast Lane</ref>
*Colas<ref>Jones in the Fast Lane</ref>
*Lobster Nuggets
*Licorice 'n' Liver Shake<ref>Jones in the Fast Lane</ref>
*Cream of Taco soup
*Toemain Express
*Stomach Pump special
*Breakfast Chile Releno
*Taco Releno<ref>Jones in the Fast Lane</ref>
*Astro Chicken<ref>Jones in the Fast Lane</ref>
*Chocolate-Like(R) Cookie Shards
*100% Pure Extruded Beeflike Product (made with half soybeans)
*Thousand Island Secret Sauce
*deep-fried potatoes, deep-fried pie, and deep-fried sandwiches
*90-foot Compressed Salad Bar
*Coffee
*used hairnets

[[image:monolith.gif|center]]

==Production==

Monolith Burger's burgers are created on their [[MasterBurger 2000]]. Here, condiments and buns are placed on the burgers in an assembly line fashion. They are then warmed in a microwave or under warming lights before being served. The concept of "food hygiene" seemingly being completely unknown at Monolith, the food is often left out under the warming lights for a long time until a [[Roger Wilco|sucker dumb enough to order it]] comes along.

Strangely enough, the condiments used by Monolith Burger appear to be at least semi-sentient - a fact which becomes apparent if the player attempts to converse with, smell or taste them during the [[Space_Quest_X:_Latex_Babes_of_Estros|Space Quest X]] time period.

===Perma-Bun===

[[image:PermaBun.png|right]]
{{multi-listen start}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Bun-UnlessItsInMe.ogg|title="I'm your Perma-Buns."|description="I'm your Perma-Buns. Nothing goes outta here unless it's in me!"|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Bun-299YearOld.ogg|title="I smell like..."|description="I smell like any other set of 299-year-old buns."|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Bun-ImaBun.ogg|title="While I have absolutely no taste..."|description="I'm a Perma-Bun. While I have absolutely no taste, I do have a shelf-life of 3 centuries."|format=OGG}}

===Ketchup===

[[image:Ketchup.png|right]]
{{multi-listen start}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Ketchup-ImtheKetchup.ogg|title="Hello. I'm the ketchup."|description="Hello. I'm the ketchup. Did you know there's more sugar in me than in ice cream? It's a fact."|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Ketchup-NoSmell.ogg|title="Yeah, that's right. No smell."|description="Yeah, that's right. No smell. Better no smell than a bad one."|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Ketchup-BestTaste.ogg|title="I'm the best little condiment..."|description="I'm the best little condiment you ever tasted. You know I am, really. I'm not kidding, I am!"|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Catsup.ogg|title="Squeeze me, for a plop of catsup."|description="Squeeze me, for a plop of catsup. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!"|format=OGG}}

===Lettuce===

[[image:Lettuce.png|right]]
{{multi-listen start}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Lettuce-ImLettuce.ogg|title="I'm Lettuce. Real Old Lettuce."|description="I'm Lettuce. Real Old Lettuce. Lay me down on the burger. I like to go first."|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Lettuce-NoseOffMe.ogg|title="Get yer nose off me!"|description="Get yer nose off me! What do I look like, a nostril mat?"|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Lettuce-TasteLikeOldLeaf.ogg|title="I taste like an old leaf..."|description="I'm Lettuce. I taste like an old leaf, OK?"|format=OGG}}

===Mayonnaise===

[[image:Mayonnaise.png|right]]
{{multi-listen start}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Mayo-ImMayo.ogg|title="Hi. I'm Mayonnaise."|description="Hi. I'm Mayonnaise. I'm cholesterol-laden and ready to clog an artery when given the chance."|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Mayo-ReallyQuiteBland.ogg|title="Don't bother..."|description="Don't bother. I'm really quite bland."|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Mayo-TasteOily.ogg|title="Some people think..."|description="Some people think I taste oily. I don't think so. Do you?"|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Mayo-DontLook.ogg|title="Don't look now..."|description="Don't look now, I'm dressing!"|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Mayo-Stooge.ogg|title="Squeeze me for a plop of mayonnaise..."|description="Squeeze me for a plop of mayonnaise, you knucklehead!"|format=OGG}}

===Mustard===

[[image:Mustard.png|right]]
{{multi-listen start}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Mustard-ImYourMustard.ogg|title="I'm your mustard."|description="I'm your mustard. Squeeze me."|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Mustard-Pungent.ogg|title="Pungent, eh?"|description="Pungent, eh?"|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Mustard-TakeaLick.ogg|title="Go ahead. Take a big lick..."|description="Go ahead. Take a big lick of ol' Mr. Mustard. You'll be sorry."|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Mustard-Stooge.ogg|title="Squeeze me for a plop of mustard."|description="Squeeze me for a plop of mustard."|format=OGG}}

===Pickle===

[[image:Pickle.png|right]]
{{multi-listen start}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Pickle-BiteMe.ogg|title="Bite me..."|description="Bite me, I'm a pickle!"|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Pickle-SmellLikeVinegar.ogg|title="I smell like vinegar..."|description="I'm the pickle. I smell like vinegar on a spring morning."|format=OGG}}
{{multi-listen item|filename=Pickle-CrunchyToeJam.ogg|title="I taste like..."|description="I taste like crunchy toe-jam sauted in vinegar."|format=OGG}}
==Behind the Scenes==
{{Meta|info=Monolith Burger and its logo are both spoofs on [[wikipedia:McDonald's Corporation|McDonald's Corporation]].
The mention of how the burgers served by Monolith taste like the "skin of a [[Vorlian mucusworm]]" might possibly be in reference to an urban legend concerning how McDonalds supposedly use [[wikipedia:McDonald's_urban_legends#Worm_meat|worm meat]] as a "filler" in their burgers.

Monolith Burger is featured in [[:Category:SQ3|SQ3]], [[:Category:SQ4|SQ4]], and one of the [[Nick's Picks]] [[Space Quest]] [[:Category:Minigames|Minigames]].}}

Monolith Burger also appears in [[Wikipedia: Jones in the Fast Lane|Jones in the Fast Lane]], another Sierra title. The cashier reveals that there are 45 calories per french fry, and that the burgers are poached (as opposed to broiled or fried). They also sell "preadolescent irradiated kung fu tortoise" figurines (a reference to the popular [[wikipedia: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]] series). They also use "less soy" in their burgers, and deep fry everything (including their drinks).

The unhealthy attributes of the JITFL food is a parody of the criticism of the quality and nutrition of McDonald's food (and fast food in general). Such places have gradually improved their quality since the release of the films [[Wikipedia: Super Size Me|Super Size Me]] and [[Wikipedia: Fast Food Nation|Fast Food Nation]].
The cashier in JITFL whispers to the customer that "the manager wishes to abolish minimum wage". This refers to the fact that most fast food workers are paid minimum wage.

==References==

{{reflist}}

{{Featured}}
{{AlmostFrontpaged}}
[[Category:Brand Names]]
[[Category:Fictional companies]]
[[category:Locales]]
[[category:Stations]]
[[Category:Space Piston SQ4]]
[[Category:Galactic Inquirer]]
[[Category:Popular Janitronics]]
[[Category:Places (SQ2)]]
[[Category:Places (SQ3)]]
[[Category:Places (SQ4)]]
[[Category:Places (SQ10)]]
[[Category:Places (TSQC)]]